Gifted

My little girl, who I am excited to see grow and become, has been rather active tonight. I wish I had a camera in my belly to watch her stretch and grow and punch me from the inside. I've been reading various websites about birth and parenting and education as I feel her move in my belly. I can't wait to see who she will be and what special gift she will bring to the world. I hope I am able to both facilitate her growth of discovering who God has created her to be and get out her way and not let my own hangups become hers.

I believe God has granted each of us a gift, something that is uniquely ours. It is a combination of our personality, our interests, our talents, and how all of these come together to impact the world around us. As part of a larger community we each play a special role in making that community whole. I am saddened when I see people who, for whatever reason, are not living out their gift. Because of abuse or addiction or circumstances they are not living fully. None of us are really, but sometimes it is more profound. I wonder who that person was suppose to be before they were dealt such a shitty hand. What are we missing in the world because some people are too busy just trying to survive to truly live or dies too young?

Can't wait to get to know you, little one. And could you tell me what your name is? Your parents are stuck.

God is not a person

Something that has been bothering me lately is our tendency to personify God. God is not a person. Jesus was a person. The purpose of Jesus was to help us understand who God is. God is hard to picture, so we have Jesus. Jesus is God personified, but God the creator and God the Holy Spirit are not persons. God as he or she or it doesn't matter because God is beyond these labels.

When we talk about what God would do I think we miss the point of who God is. God is. That which makes an "is" is God. Sometimes when I'm trying to wrap my head around this it helps to substitute life or love in for God. God is life. God is love. So, does life forgive us when we lie or mean to someone or whatever, all those sin things? Those sin things we do separate us from Life or God. So, being a jerk is sinful because it isn't about life. Can we be forgiven? Yes, of course. Part of life and love is reconciliation. Love is bigger than our all the things we can do to mess it up. Love is patient and kind and... I can't remember the rest. But the more we push against Love or Life by doing things that takes us away from it the less we get to experience it. The less we experience God.

I'll leave it there for now. More to say, but one thought per post or I'll just ramble on too much.

Taking Communion again for the first time

I hear the words before communion almost every Sunday. They often just wash over me, but I don't always listen carefully. Recently, I was actually paying attention when they were said, perhaps because I was in a different setting, perhaps because the Holy Spirit was doing something in me.

Jesus took the bread and said "This is my body." (paraphrase) Well, it couldn't actually be his body; he was standing right there. So what was he saying? In that moment what I heard was, I am that which sustains and gives life. I am the simple piece of bread at your table. I am with you in this everyday item giving you life. It didn't seem to be about a moment, but a declaration of who Jesus is.

Jesus took the wine and said "This is my blood." (paraphrase) Jesus doesn't just sustain us, but adds to our life. Jesus gives life to our life. He brings meaning and celebration. He isn't just the ordinary bread but the wine which is a celebration. The joy we have from life comes from Jesus; he is present in those moments breathing life into the party so to speak.

So it seems we sell ourselves short when we put God in ritual. God is bigger than our rituals, our festivals. God is in our life. God is our life. It isn't about believing in some man in the sky, but about embracing the life we are given to the fullest. Live on. Live free. Jesus is part of it.

Advent

Winter in the Northwest can get me down. I miss the sun. Then it seemed one bad situation after another was happening or being brought to my attention. Police being shot. Children be solved into sex slavery. Immigration rights or lack there of. Parents loosing children. Children loosing parents. Hunger and disease that are preventable putting people into a tailspin. You get the picture. All of that and no sun put me in a sour mood.

But then I remembered Advent. I think it is brilliant that Christmas and the Winter Solstice come at the same time. I may celebrate both. I'm not worried about Christians stealing the holiday away. It makes sense to use it and embrace the very real part of this time of year when the darkness shifts. That is what Christmas is. That is what is happening in the seasons. It all fits together. Jesus is the light that breaks into the darkness.

It can be helpful to remember the solstice is coming in these dark days when cars have their lights on at 3pm. We are looking forward to the shift in light. Longer days. More sun. Bring it on!

It also fills me with hope when I get stuck in a place of thinking of all the bad happening around me, that Christ breaks into that darkness. The Kingdom is breaking in all around me. There is light and there is hope. It doesn't get swallowed up even if seems like it some days.

This Advent Christmas season we should spend less time worry about what holiday season it is and embrace them all as we speak a word of hope for the light that shines in the dark and does is not overcome by it.

Enjoy the Holidays of Light.

Atonement

I don't think Jesus had to die. It was the obvious outcome of him living, but not what needed to happen. Just don't tell my congregation I think this, or I may have to go into another line of work. Now let me flesh out what I just said.

I have struggled with the concept of Jesus dying for my sins for years. Finally, I have just given up on it making any sense. There are several theories and interpretations of what happened, but none of them really click with me.

There is the ransom idea. Jesus paid a debt to the devil for me. So I belong to the devil and not God, and Jesus paid him off. Not wait, I belong to God, but the devil stole me, and Jesus paid to get me back. I'm getting passed around a lot without my knowledge. I suppose this is fine for a metaphor, but I could never buy it as actual. Why does God need to buy me back with dying anyway. Just kick that devil's butt without making me feel guilty.

Anselm interprets the cross differently than Origen. He says that sin is dishonoring God and we owe God honor. In order to fix the problem we either need to be punished or satisfy God. We deserved to be punished forever because we are just so awful, but God is merciful and decides to satisfy God's own honor by having God's son die instead of us. Perhaps this made sense as an explanation in the time of Anselm, but I think it makes God sound a little crazy. "You have dishonored me and must die, but that would not be merciful. I will kill my son instead to satisfy myself. " Can't God just get over it and move on? And would God really feel satisfied by killing God's son? God, you're freaking me out a little.

Then we move to the moral theory of Abelard which I barely understand. If I understand it correctly, Jesus shows us how much God loves us by dying on the Cross, and then we feel bad for what we have done wrong and repent. This one I can buy into a little more. Jesus was showing us a better way to live and was rejected and killed him. I can even relate this to how I respond to others. I reject that which is life giving more than I should. I feel bad about and try to repent. But where this breaks down for me is the I killed Jesus idea. No I didn't; I wasn't even there. Would I have killed Jesus? Oh, I'm sure I would have been in the crowd shouting for his death. It's an ok metaphor, but not based in reality. My life style helps kill people or at least doesn't do much to save them. I feel bad for them, but not Jesus. I try to change my life to hurt less people. I find Jesus my guide in this not my victim. (This theory makes some pretty cheesy camp skits.)

Then we have your friend and mine Calvin. Calvin talked about God being a just judge. We have sinned and need punishment. Someone has to pay the price for what we did! Really? Why is that again? Doesn't someone pay the price for what I do without Jesus dying? This is just ladling on the guilt. Now I'm depressed.

So, did Jesus have to die? Well, yes and no. Jesus didn't have to die in order to save me, but Jesus had to die because of the way he lived. You can't go against the established system as much as he did and expect to live. What saves me is the hope God gives us through Christ. There is hope is the Kingdom Christ proclaimed and ushered in. There is hope in the Resurrection that sin and death do not get the last word.

This post is getting way too long, so I'm going to stop. I'll end by saying that the event of the Cross is still very important to me personally and theologically even if it doesn't sound like it.

My first theological thought

I was thinking about how I would describe my personal theology today walking home from buying too many books at Barnes and Noble, and a thought popped into my head. I had my first theological thought at approximately age 4, and it was probably my best one ever. That isn't meant to sound arrogant or make me sound like a wise little kid. I think it was my best one because it is still my life's struggle and because it was so straight forward. I've used this story before for different reasons, mostly because its easy to reuse stories and not come up with new ones. So if you've heard this before, I apologize for my lack of creativeness.

When I was fourish I saw my first person who could not walk. I don't remember the details of it, but I do remember being shocked that this little girl, who was near my age, couldn't walk. She kinda scared me. I saw her on my way into the sanctuary. I remember being stunned and not sure what to think of her or how to respond. But then, and I remember this very clearly, I thought to myself "But God loves her too, and so should I." God's love seemed really big in that moment. God loved everyone, even little girls who scared me because they couldn't walk.

That's it. "God loves her too, and so should I." Gosh, those hard words to live by. God loves that annoying politician, and so should I. God loves the theologian that drives me crazy, and so should I. God loves (insert whoever scares me or upsets me), and so should I.

Now if I could only figure out how to love all those people that I don't feel very loving towards.

Faith like a child doesn't seem so childish when I think about it this way.

Balance

Oh balance, how we love you. We (as in the great "we" of common wisdom) talk about how our lives should be in balance. How we should carefully balance between all the things we love to do and need to do. It is about finding the right balance between what should be doing and taking care of ourselves or find the balance between work and fun or being a parent and having a social life. Oh balance, you drive me crazy.
Instead of balance, how about passion! If we balance all the little things that we "should" be doing, we can loose passion for what we could be doing. The people who really make a difference aren't focused on a little of this and a little of that, like some well balanced meal. They are passionately living out their life's call. Perhaps they don't do all the things they "ought" to do, but who made that list anyway. Perhaps, sit down for this, they even had a dirty house because they weren't in balance and chose to work an extra hour or volunteer an extra hour or play with their kids or whatever it is their calling to do.
Some people may be concerned if we give too much, we won't have enough time for ourselves, enough "me time" to recharge. If what you are doing doesn't give you energy, then maybe you shouldn't be doing it. I'm not saying don't have down time, but if you schedule is full of draining activities that you have to get through so you can have the "me time" you want, then maybe you need to reevaluate your schedule. Or, change your attitude about what you are doing.

Get out of balance and live with passion.