Barely, Passionately Christian

That is how I describe myself.

Barely - I reject much of what "mainstream" and conservative Christian believe. When people say Christian, I often don't have myself in mind.  I even stumble over using the word at times because of the images and ideas that are associated with it.

Here are a few examples: I reject hell.  Well, I think hell is real.  Many people live in hell everyday.  I believe those people have hope, so I guess that isn't true hell.  But if they don't know there is hope or at least can't imagine it, then it is hell.  The hell I reject is some sort of place of torment in the afterlife.  The afterlife is also something that I have questions about.  Not sure if I reject it, but I'm very skeptical about it.

Was Mary a virgin? I don't know and frankly that's between her and Joseph.  Why is the church so hung up on sex anyway?  I really don't want to hear about your sex life or lack there of.

The bible is an interesting book.  I think we misuse it.  Just because God said something to David doesn't mean it is also for me.  We can start to understand the nature of God through these stories, but we also need to loosen up a little.  Sometimes they are just good stories and certainly written by the winning side.  Also, if it doesn't ring true or make sense in "real life", then maybe we aren't understanding what it is talking about and need to set it aside for now.

So, here is what I do believe.  I'm very passionate about these things.

We are all created in the image of God in our own unique and wonderful way.  We are gifted and are called to use our gifts to bring about the Kingdom of God.  The Kingdom of God is when the idea of Love manifest is realized whether it is in the sharing of a meal or the helping of a friend or stranger when we experience true love and acceptance that is the Kingdom breaking in.  Each of us has the capacity to create that.  Jesus showed us the way.  Jesus even showed us that hope doesn't die with death. I don't really understand that last part, but I believe it.

There is more to be passionate about, but that is the basic.  And well, my computer battery is going to die and it certainly doesn't have an afterlife.

Power and perception

Many pastors wear a white robe during worship. It is suppose to symbolize they are servants of God and it isn't about them. But I didn't learn this until, confirmation, maybe, seminary, not sure. I had to relearn it as an adult and felt like it wasn't new information, but certainly not something I remembered. When I've done informal surveys others seem to also be in the dark on what it means or suppose to mean.

What that white robe for me symbolized and still often does, is this person is standing out as a person of power. They conduct the service and orchestrate all that happens. They say the words at communion. It might symbolize servanthood to them, but its just an illusion.

Robes are not symbols of servants in our culture. It would be more symbolic to wear jeans and a work shirt. Robes are what you wear at graduation not what you would wear if you were to really out there serving people, especially white. Can you imagine wearing one of those pastor robes while working on a farm, serving soup, mopping a floor - ridiculous.

To all my pastor friends out there - thank you for your service, but ditch the robe.

Moms get grace too

A few Sundays ago my toddler fell asleep during worship. She was out hard and laying across me, so I stayed in that position for the rest of the service. I knew we had a busy afternoon, and I knew if I woke her the nap would be over with no return later. I needed her to sleep, so I sat. People around us stood up to sing and to pray and to pass the peace, I sat there, and she slept. It was time for communion, and the very kind people in our row went the other way out the pew so not to disturb us. The usher asked if I would like communion to be brought to me. I gave a very non-committal response something like "don't worry about it, we're fine". Communion is taken to those how can't make it to the front, so this is a normal practice but usually for the elderly with walkers not a mom of a toddler who just doesn't want to move. I wasn't sure if anyone would come to us or not. I felt kinda silly. And then down the aisle it came. There was nothing left for me to do but receive.

In that moment, I realized something: moms get grace too. As I sat there "not needing help" or wanting to bother anyone because I have it under control, someone came to me with the message of love and forgiveness and a reminder that it isn't about getting it right and being it all. Sometimes I can have a break or a moment or just mess up and the world will not end because of it. I too can have a moment of grace.

Now if someone just felt inspired to clean the kitchen.

Amendment:

This post partly bothers me because it is so cliche. Oh the Gospel is for me?! Duh. But on the other hand, how much do we live like it is for us? When we are running around with our giant to do lists and apologizing for not getting something done we are not living from a place of "its going to be ok" or grace, but we are preaching grace and living works. Salvation, after all, isn't just about the future but the moment, and in this moment it isn't about your to do list or your work but about the fact that you are loved. What would it look like if you lived like that and really believed it? I certainly wouldn't feel sheepish that someone walked 50 feet to give me something because my kid was asleep. Sheepish is a feeling from the place of works not grace, of believing that I can do it all.

But I can't. And its ok.

I'm not loved by anyone because of the checks or not checks on my list.

Eat your vegetables

As a kid I didn't really like vegetables. Well, I'm not really sure what I thought. There was so much pressure and drama around eating them, that I never felt like I was left to my own to figure out what I liked or didn't. Kids don't like veggies, I was told. Eat your beans! I wish I could have just tried them without being watched or judged and with no preconceived idea about my opinion before I started.

When I see verses of the bible posted in various places, I have a similar reaction. It often feels like the poster is assuming I won't take the time to read the bible myself or that I won't like it, so here is one verse, just take a bite. If I felt they were posting because they were inspired and wanted to share I would feel less like I was being told to eat my vegetables, but that is rarely what it feels like. I rarely read them, just like I didn't eat many vegetables when I was a kid.

I also never click "like" on those posts that tell me I won't "have a heart" if I don't or "if I really was a Christian" or whatever the line is to try to guilt me into sharing or liking. Give me a break. Stop trying to guilt my faith. Those posts are not useful to sharing the Gospel. They are about who's in, really in, and who isn't. The Gospel is about everyone deserving Grace.

The bible is a crazy book full of wonder and power and grace. I feel inspired reading and studying it. I also really like vegetables now that there is no pressure involved. And I will "share" my faith when it matters and not when pressured by bored people online.

Positive Discipline meets postive religion

I've been reading parenting books quit a bit lately. Reading more than I need to about a subject is how I approach life. So, several articles, books, blog posts, etc later I think I have a parenting philosophy that I can get behind for a week or two. Yeah, yeah, my own kid will teach me more than reading will. I get that, and I even follow that in lots of ways. I just like research and investigating. I also know about most of the school choices out there and we don't need to make that choice for years. This is entertainment for me.

Anyway, before I get too sidetracked by justifying my strange hobby, I should get to the point of this post. One camp in the child rearing world says that you should love your child and provide good examples to live by and then let them be. Don't punish. Don't coerce. Don't manipulate with rewards, praise or punishment. When they see you acting a certain way they will learn that is how it is done. It will take time. Your 8 year old won't have the manners an adult has, but they will be acting genuine and not just repeating words. (someone call me out if I ever say "say the magic word" without irony)

As I was reading the book I couldn't help but think this is how our relationship with God is. Life punishes us for not acting a certain way, but God just loves us. We are called to respond to that love by loving others but God's love comes first. It is a Because, therefore relationship not an If, then relationship. Because God loves us, therefore we live out our lives by loving others. Not if we do the right thing, believe the right thing, say the right thing, then God will love us or save us.
You might be able to tell I'm not into decision theology.

So whatever parenting ideas I'm reading, I will always be loving my daughter first. That much I don't need to read a book about.

Hope you always feel loved, Sweatpea.

Stuff the Pinto

When I was a camp counselor we had 50's night. We played various 50's themed games, one of which was stuff the Pinto. Ok, I know there wasn't Pinto's in the 50s, but it was the smallest car at camp. It was also my car.

I like my Mini much better than my Pinto. Maybe I just feel cooler driving it.

I miss being able to put all my stuff into the Pinto. I loaded that thing up, and off to school or camp I went. Everything fit. No one could ride with me, but I could still see out.

There is no way I could fit all my stuff into the Mini. Even if you disregard all the furniture.

I'm finding it difficult to figure out what to let go of.

Am I the rich man who wasn't willing to sell all his stuff and follow Jesus?

Sorting throught the stuff

I am almost done going through the boxes. We moved into this house over a year ago, but I was pregnant at the time and certain boxes never got dealt with. Only a few items left and it will all be sorted: keep, give-away, trash, sell. Very little trash and only some to give away, but it feels good to have things in place. When all of the boxes are done, then it will be time to start posting on craigslist the items that may be worth selling. I plan on going through most of the house and selling off what we don't need. This little bit of cash will be set aside for the new roof which will be one step closer to travel - the real goal.

Travel itself isn't really the goal, but travel leads to exploring and learning and meeting new people and changing ideas and having new experiences and those are the real goals. I have been thinking about what my life goals are and thinking about what my goals are as a parent.

My parent goal is simple: help my daughter discover who God created her to be and help her become the best Herself she can be. Yep, simple. Theirs other goals my husband and I have talked about as well like help her develop critical thinking and creativity and a sense of adventure.

I have the same goals for my own life, so I purge my stuff. I'm trying to free myself from all the stuff and help me re-prioritize my life. I'm hoping I will purge my mind at the same time and become more focused.